Finding the Right Person


This entry, and the ones following, are going to cover what I think many of my single friends misunderstand about romantic relationships. I write this for all the people who say they don’t understand why they can’t find love in their lives. And I write for those who, after having been misled by failed relationships or non-relationships, proclaim they don’t need love or aren’t looking for a relationship in their lives. This isn’t for those who have experienced successful relationships. I believe these individuals should already know what I have to say below (or some version of it), and could probably teach me a thing or two. But if you’re someone about to give up on finding love and developing meaningful relationships, I hope I can persuade you otherwise.

I think some of the biggest factors that keep people from finding or committing to meaningful relationships is simply not knowing what can be obtained from such a relationship. Not because they don’t want to be in a meaningful relationship, but because they don’t understand what a meaningful relationship is and how to favorably find a mate to share such a relationship.


Sure, there’s lots to gain from meaningful relationships, but what if you haven’t found the right person yet? My observations of myself and other twenty-somethings, I’ve found two different extremes that hold people back from finding the right person.

The first is the individual who thinks they are looking for the right person, but truly has no idea who or what they want in a relationship, and simply keep failing at each attempt. We’ll call this individual the Clueless Lover, and I don’t mean these people don’t know what they’re doing in bed, I mean they simply have no clue what it is they want in a relationship.

The second extreme is where a person is so cautious of all the bad relationships they’ve gathered from sources other than themselves, that they have accumulated a list of exactly what they want in a mate and what they don’t want in a mate. They usually create an unobtainable perfect mate in their minds, and are scared away from ever beginning a meaningful relationship with anyone or they think no one is ever good enough to begin a relationship with in the first place. I’ll call this latter individual the Relationship Virgin, and again, I don’t mean these people are physically virgins, but that they are too cautious with their love lives.

And there’s no shame in being one or the other, or even something in between. I simply give names to them to more easily identify these types, so that those who want to can try out the more appropriate advice I give for each type. In the next parts 7 and 8, I’ll explain in detail the Clueless Lover and the Relationship Virgin, and what they can do to find their right person.


Love and Relationships (Part 1): An Introduction

Love and Relationships (Part 2): The Phases Leading to a Meaningful Relationship

Love and Relationships (Part 3): Communication

Love and Relationships (Part 4): Independence vs. Relationships

Love and Relationships (Part 5): The Couple’s Accountability System

Love and Relationships (Part 6): Finding the Right Person

Love and Relationships (Part 7): The Clueless Lover

Love and Relationships (Part 8): The Relationships Virgin

Love and Relationships (Part 9): Don’t Give Up!

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13 Responses to “Finding the Right Person”

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